I too was brought up in a family that discouraged pride and self-congratulations. I have the same tendency to deflect as you do. But when you tell someone that you don't deserve their compliment, you are also telling tham that they were wrong to think you did. The best response is a slow and genuine "Thank you.". To satisfy your inner voice telling young to be prideful, you can also add, "That is very generous." Or if they liked a particular section of your work, you can say how hard you worked on that, and how happy it makes you that they liked it.
Your post really resonated with me. I grew up in a family where compliments were mostly nonexistent. Without that early barometer, I had to work hard to define myself and monitor my expectations of myself and others. I still fight not to see myself as an "imposter" or "less capable" at my various jobs or creative endeavors. As to you, not only are you a great writer, Tracey, but you are also a powerful leader for us Blackbird Writers. Please accept my compliments as "the gospel truth," as my grandmother used to say!
Yes - yes - yes!! Why do we do this? You're right -- no more -- accept the praise!! You've worked hard! You're a wonderful writer! But we all understand how hard it is to simply say 'thank you.' Great post!
I too was brought up in a family that discouraged pride and self-congratulations. I have the same tendency to deflect as you do. But when you tell someone that you don't deserve their compliment, you are also telling tham that they were wrong to think you did. The best response is a slow and genuine "Thank you.". To satisfy your inner voice telling young to be prideful, you can also add, "That is very generous." Or if they liked a particular section of your work, you can say how hard you worked on that, and how happy it makes you that they liked it.
That's a perfect response, Carl.
As someone who adores your writing, I say, "Deflect no more!" You've come into your own.
Thank you, Saralyn!
Excellent. And practical. Thank you.
Thank you John!
Your post really resonated with me. I grew up in a family where compliments were mostly nonexistent. Without that early barometer, I had to work hard to define myself and monitor my expectations of myself and others. I still fight not to see myself as an "imposter" or "less capable" at my various jobs or creative endeavors. As to you, not only are you a great writer, Tracey, but you are also a powerful leader for us Blackbird Writers. Please accept my compliments as "the gospel truth," as my grandmother used to say!
Thanks for sharing. I’ve gotten some wonderful reviews that made my day and I tell the person exactly that.
Yep! I can relate to this post! Thanks for sharing your journey!
Yes - yes - yes!! Why do we do this? You're right -- no more -- accept the praise!! You've worked hard! You're a wonderful writer! But we all understand how hard it is to simply say 'thank you.' Great post!
You too, Valerie! I love the work you're doing!
This piece was great. Wish I could follow, but political references turn me off.
I'm sorry to turn you away, Jenni. I don't usually discuss politics, and didn't mean to offend you.
This was a great piece.
For years, I never knew a good way to take a compliment. I’ve finally learned to just say thank you.
Sometimes it's hard! But yes, thank you is the best response.
Aw, thanks for commenting, Sherrill, and I'm glad this resonated with you. It’s taken me a while to notice and make the shift. Awareness is the key.