Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

Are self-sabotaging beliefs keeping you from celebrating your work? Recognizing and changing your patterns could help you overcome it.

I suffer from anxiety and imposter syndrome. I’ve had it my whole life, and even as I type this, I worry what readers will think of this post. I’m not accredited with any degrees - I didn’t graduate from college - and I’m not an expert on . . . well, anything.

What I do know is I am a writer and I have a voice. And maybe by sharing the small steps I’ve taken to overcome my fears and anxieties, I can help someone in a similar situation.

Imposter syndrome is not a disease. Nor is it considered a mental disorder that can be diagnosed and treated with medication. However, it is a well known psychological pattern that sometimes goes hand in hand with anxiety and depression. It is destructive self criticism that can keep you from moving forward, or from reaching your goals.

It often sounds like this:

“I’ll never be a best selling author.”

“I’m just not good enough.”

“No one will want to read my book.”

And it often compares you to someone who has spent a lifetime learning a craft, practicing their craft, and failing at their craft long before they ever succeeded at their craft. Hold that thought…

When I wrote my first book (The Client), I thought I’d written the next best seller. Of course I did. But I soon learned the ins and outs of this publishing thing and found out how hard it was to sell the book to an agent or editor. I became familiar with rejection (150 for that book alone, my personal totals are near triple that number) and reached a new personal low.

“I’m not an author. I can’t even get an agent.”

“I’ll never be as [insert compliment here] as so-and-so.”

But there was one thing I knew for sure. I wanted to write. I had stories to tell, and gosh darn it, I wanted to publish my book.

Since I grew up playing the piano, I knew learning a skill could take a good long time. And practicing works. So I practiced and wrote and learned everything I could about the industry. I went to conferences and met successful authors with stories like mine. Their stories gave me hope.

And yet, every time I pitched my work, I felt like a phony.

Though my inner demons were hard at work trying to stop me from succeeding they strangely enough, never stopped me from practicing. From writing another manuscript. And another. And another. That makes me feel very lucky because I know imposter syndrome can be severe enough to stop people entirely from pursuing their goals. Not me. I kept stepping in mud puddles, writing terrible drafts, and figuratively tearing them into bits, until I finally learned to live with the doubt. And eventually, I realized what those voices were saying wasn’t true. They were lies to keep me from succeeding.

Where does this nagging inner dialogue come from and how do you make it go away?

I’m the first to admit I’ve had years of therapy. Self help books fill my bookshelves alongside the fiction novels I love. I’ve done hypnotherapy, neurolinguistics and even walked on fire (aka Tony Robbins). Still, it has taken me years and I’m not entirely over my fear of exposure. (But I am good enough, I tell myself and try to believe it.)

If you read enough author interviews, blogs or watch enough podcasts, you realize we’re all pretty hard on ourselves. For me, those voices in my head originated from voices outside my head while I was growing up. Plenty of adults in my life told me I wasn’t good enough when I was young enough to believe them. Recognizing whose voice was still telling me I didn’t live up to standards was the first step to stopping the rewind and repeat.

The Very Well Mind explains explains that sometimes, creative people identify with their work to such a high degree their self-worth is easily shattered when anyone criticizes it. They become emotionally connected to the project and the outcome. So balance between work and identity must be achieved. Believe this phrase: You are not your creative work.

How?

• First of all, notice that negative inner voice and challenge it. I’ll bet you’ve had some valid success in your life. Celebrate those.

• Insert a new dialogue. Whenever you notice that harmful rhetoric, replace it with a positive statement like, “It’s normal to feel that way, but I don’t need that message anymore.” Or, “I’m working hard to get published, someday my writing will find the right agent.”

• In an article for Killer Nashville, Mary Lynn Cloghesy and Jason Schembri wrote, “Keep a proof folder where you save positive reviews and personal milestones.” Refer to it when you’re feeling down. I love this!

The most important piece of advice I can give you is this. Stop that comparisonitis. We all do it. For example, “That author has 12 books in her series. I can’t even publish one.” “The thriller author from my hometown has a great marketing plan. I can’t even figure out Meta ads.”

The truth is, we are all unique. We each have our own set of strengths and weaknesses. We all have obstacles to overcome. What matters most to me, may not matter to you at all. The journey is different for each of us. Embrace your journey. It is as unique as you are.

It took me a good long time to overcome imposter syndrome. I hope that my journey sheds a little light on yours.