Becoming a Human Being

Instead of a Human Doing. OR - Ways to love yourself. ❤️

This year, I intend to slow down. It’s my very conscious choice to to do less. To produce less. To social media . . . less. I’m deliberately taking breaks, sleeping more, going for walks and chatting with friends about the weather. I’m doing Yoga. I’m petting my cats. Or playing the piano for no reason at all except that I enjoy it.

A year ago, I would have balked at the idea. Take a nap? What? Not me. I would have fought it like a cat trying not to get put in a water bath. I would have ran to my desk to write ten more pages or posted another video. Last year—in the seven months before August— I took my rights back from a small press. I self published two books. I recorded an audiobook myself (that took months, by the way.) I drafted two and a half books. I scheduled a half dozen book events and two conferences. I was a Human Doing.

Last year.

And the year before that.

And the year before that.

Late in my life, I began this writing journey and decided to do whatever it took to make that dream come true. And for several years, I took my time and fit the work in when I could. I wrote when it suited me and pitched when I had a complete manuscript. After Best Kept Secrets came out in 2019, it became clear I had to do more. And sure. You’ve followed this path too. We all feel the pressure to put ourselves and our books out there. We follow the publishing gurus, take the classes, learn all the tricks and jump through the hoops in search of the elusive prize. (The prize being slightly different for each of us, of course.)

But about five years ago, something clicked in me. I had the uncanny sense that I was running out of time. I wanted—no needed—to get my romantic thriller trilogy series completed and published. I needed to get my rights back and publish another book. I can’t explain it, but I had a horrible sense that something was coming. Something BIG. This—hurricane, flash fire, debilitating car wreck, big C—would halt my progress. I knew it was coming like I knew what tea I drank for breakfast.

Have you ever had the sense something was wrong? Aren’t we all intuitive to some degree? The only way to heed this intuition was to go with my gut. I strove to finish writing and get books published because the time was coming when I wouldn’t be able to. And for about 5 years, I worked hard. I wrote like my life depended on it.

And then it happened.

If you’ve followed me for a while, you know. And since I don’t want that to be the subject of the blog here, enough said.

I can’t compare my loss to anything you’ve been through. I only know how it’s been for me. Like my entire sense of self was wiped out by a hurricane. And exactly as I feared, it leveled me. It may take a year or more to recover, to get my feet back under me. To sort out all I’ve lost. And guess what. I’m not writing the next book. I’m not pushing the ads or showing up much on social media. I’m just not that into it. I don’t have bigger fish to fry. I really don’t.

For now, I’m digging my way back to myself. I’m taking a small miner’s pick and chipping away the rock in search of a gem of truth. I seek art that relates to my situation. Lin Manuel’s Eye of the Hurricane. A lovely poem called The Girl Who Didn’t Stop by Erin Hansen, which I discovered doing yoga with Charlie Follows. Charlie read the poem during the meditation portion of one session and I found it instantly true and inspiring.

Not only am I seeking art, I’m cleaning my space and simplifying my life by making it beautiful. I’m taking time for thoughtful reflection. Where last year I would have said whose got time for that? I’ve made time to meditate daily. I realized meditation doesn’t mean I have to sit crisscross-applesauce with my fingers in a mudra. I can do it while walking. While gazing out the window. While petting the kitties.

Obligatory Cat photos. Moon on the orange wall, and Moon behind my books. Ivy giving Moon the "eye" -like I am- because she's laying on my computer. 🙄

It’s all good. A year of slowing down is exactly what the doctor ordered. Is it something you could benefit from too? Share in the notes below if you feel the need to take a step back from your life as a Human Doing, to become a Human Being.

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What I’m reading in February:

Joy Ribar’s new release, Poetry Slammed which gets a 5 star review.

Jeannée Sacken’s Double Exposure, Book 2 in her Annie Hawkins series.

I’m listening to The Impossible Thing by Belinda Bauer.

And Gone Before Goodbye by Harlan Coban.

And from my bookshelf, I’ll be reading The Bewitching by Silvia Moreno-Garcia, the author of Mexican Gothic.❤️❤️

Not a binge watcher/never have been, I’m STILL watching Outlander, Season 7.